


Miles away

by Jethny



Category: Actor RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anthony Mackie Is a Good Bro, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, Hopeful Ending, Jealous Chris Evans, Lack of Communication, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Misunderstandings, Panic Attacks, Sebastian Stan Angst, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:35:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23070094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jethny/pseuds/Jethny
Summary: Chris and Sebastian are miles away because of The Falcon and The Winter Soldier's shooting, and Chris misses his boyfriend terribly. With the distance and the absence, Chris has false ideas about the true nature of Anthony Mackie and Sebastian's relationship. He gets jealous, utterly sad, doubting his partner.
Relationships: Anthony Mackie & Sebastian Stan, Chris Evans & Anthony Mackie, Chris Evans/Sebastian Stan
Comments: 14
Kudos: 86





	Miles away

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Tiếng Việt available: [Hàng Vạn Dặm](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23200234) by [caochon03](https://archiveofourown.org/users/caochon03/pseuds/caochon03)



> The ending is hopeful. Still, this is a pretty sad story, even if I don't know why. The guys have some issues.  
> Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. There is none intention to cause offence or harm against the actors.

When it first happens, Chris tells himself it’s nothing. A little bit surprising he would admit it willingly, but he thinks it’s nothing.

There is nothing odd if it’s Mackie who is the one answering him when Chris tries to reach his boyfriend by calling him on the phone. Indeed, Anthony and Sebastian are working together like 7/7 days currently, shooting _The Falcon and The Winter Soldier_. They pass the majority of their time together, they’re good friends. He knows that. It has never been a problem. He likes Mackie too. There’s nothing surprising if one time it happens it is Anthony who answer Sebastian’s phone.

It’s no big deal.

So Chris tries to deeply bury the feeling of tightness in his heart he has had when he has heard Anthony's voice instead of his lover’s one. He doesn't think about it again after the call.

Mostly.

The second time it happens, Chris tells himself it’s quite funny. Anthony playing Sebastian’s secretary, picking his phone for him. They even have joked about it. Yeah, it is funny. That’s all it is. Pure coincidence.

Anthony must have been closest to Sebastian's cell phone when it started ringing, see Chris’ name on the screen and decide to pick up the phone instead of just handing it over to Sebastian. Convenience. That’s totally likely.

So he doesn’t think about it then.

The third time, he recognizes the sensation he had had the first time. That disturbing, worrying, scary feeling that something is wrong. Feeling his blood slowly boiling. He puts a name on it. He’s jealous. Of Anthony freaking Mackie. Or more precisely, of him being the one being able to pick his boyfriend’s phone when the damn thing is ringing. Because _he_ can. Because Anthony Mackie is the one practically living with Sebastian, and not him. Anthony is the one at Sebastian’s sides every day, with _his_ boyfriend, whom Chris hasn’t manage to see in almost a fucking month.

So okay, Chris is jealous and he’s pretty sure he has the right to be. He knows it’s stupid and there isn’t anything to be worry about because he trusts Sebastian no matter what, but the distance, the absence and the lack of Sebastian in his daily life, it has became hard to support.

So he is jealous.

Chris doesn’t say anything, to anyone, because it couldn’t lead to anything good. Instead, he resumes to tell himself it’s nothing. Sebastian loves him, he knows that, he’s sure of that. And if Chris is most of the time the one calling Sebastian and the opposite is quite rare anymore, it’s only because Sebastian is extremely busy, tired, and it’s not because Sebastian doesn’t think about Chris, whom is miles away from him.

No, he knows better. Jealousy is a bitch. Chris has already experienced it enough in his life. Sebastian too. Chris can do better than being the jealous boyfriend. So he keeps telling himself, _it’s nothing, it means nothing_.

Yet, the fourth time it happens, the joke Anthony makes doesn’t made Chris laugh.

He just waits as patiently as possible for his friend to pass him his boyfriend if he might please hurry up thank you. Anthony, being the good friend he is, feels Chris’s tension and he asks if there’s a problem, if Chris is alright. Of course, Chris denies. Everything is fine. He just would like to talk a little bit to Sebastian, if he’s not busy. Mackie doesn’t push, because he is a nice friend and Chris really hopes at the moment he isn’t the nice friend who fucks his boyfriend when he isn’t around, and finally, _finally_ , Chris can hear Sebastian’s beautiful voice in his ear. He can breathe again.

They talk about nothing in particular, Chris asks about Sebastian’s day, how the shooting is doing, if the training isn’t too hard, if he takes good care of himself. They chat a little, and if Sebastian seems tired and not as enthusiastic as usual, Chris tries hard to not think too much about it. Sebastian’s tired, it’s nothing abnormal.

Except when the call ends, he’s kind of angry. With himself for being jealous of nothing. For not being able to be with Sebastian more often because of his damn own career and obligations. For thinking so little of his great friend Mackie who hasn’t done anything wrong, he’s sure of it, or well, he really gives his best to think so. And also, maybe he is a little angry with Sebastian for not being bothered as much as he is with Mackie being this present through their only way of communicating lately. And for that, Chris is even angrier with himself for being a jerk with Sebastian when he has done nothing wrong to deserve such a behavior from him.

Sebastian doesn’t deserve to have a boyfriend who is jealous. Sebastian only deserves love and trust, someone who cares for him and who trusts him no matter what, someone who supports him. And Chris trusts him, so much. But it seems he misses him a little bit more since a few weeks.

Chris would simply want to talk for hours about all and nothing with Sebastian, he would gladly Facetime him, just to see his face he misses so much, see his eyes and perfect mouth, see his smile, and also maybe for some other dirtier things.

Fuck, he misses him so much.

Chris feels lonely and alone. So far away from the one he’s desperately in love with. And worse, he has the feeling Sebastian is getting away from him each day that passes. He hates this feeling, he knows he isn’t thinking straight and he’s getting wrong ideas, but it tears him apart. This distance. This absence. It’s killing him. It hurts so much, but Chris doesn’t know what to do about it. All he knows is that each breath he takes is filled with his love for Sebastian.

Maybe it’ll pass, maybe it’s really nothing. Maybe it’s him and he is the one tired who needs to rest properly. Chris is just missing Sebastian and being paranoid.

Except, it becomes difficult to reach Sebastian the days that follow that call. Chris only gets quick text answers to his texts, even when he is saying _‘I miss you so bad Seb’_ or _‘I fucking love you so much babe’_ , all he gets in return are some _‘Same here’_ and _‘Me too_ ’. He doesn’t demand much more, but, damn it, it appears Sebastian has a total another life, a very busy other life, and he’s not part of it, the worse being that Sebastian is really _fine_ with it being that way.

Chris tries to give Sebastian some space, and some time for himself to think. He tries to see friends, to occupy his days by not thinking of Sebastian every seconds of the day. It appears it’s really hard to do that. Thinking of his lover has become natural. Chris hadn't realized how often he does it in a day.

He still calls Sebastian time to time, sometimes it’s him who picks up, and sometimes it’s Anthony. He doesn’t laugh at Mackie’s jokes, he just asks nicely if he can speak to Sebastian and he waits.

Until one day, he has enough. It hurts too bad. He can practically see the tension and the distance which are now very comfortably installed between them. They haven’t much to say when they are on the phone together, they talked about nothing important, they don’t talk about _them_. It feels as if they are obliged to talk time to time together, because otherwise it would means something very different. They would be forced to acknowledge there is a big problem in their relationship, if relationship still there is.

So Chris one day stops to call Sebastian. He stops this ritual. He stops to write meaningless texts. He doesn’t answer the rare texts Sebastian sends him. Andhe feels trapped, because it doesn’t make him feel better. It’s even worse, because now he’s wondering if it makes Seb suffer. And even if he’s now practically sure Sebastian’s cheating on him with Anthony or at least with another, he doesn’t want to make Sebastian suffer. It’s the last thing he wants to do. But what can he do?

He waits in pain. He waits for the pain to stop. He waits for the time Sebastian would be calling him and finally say to him the words. _It’s over. It’s over for a long time now. I don’t want you. I don’t love you anymore, I love another one._ Nonetheless, he doesn’t pick up when Sebastian call him anymore, even one night when the calls are repeated, because he is afraid Sebastian would actually say these words. Chris has waited, but he isn't ready for this call, he isn't ready to fall.

The silence is horrible. He can’t stand it. So Chris waits again and he makes his mind. He’ll pick up the next time Sebastian will call him. He will face it. It has to stop.

He waits, and soon enough, his phone is ringing.

And as usual, it’s Anthony’s voice he hears when he accepts the call, and it’s not Sebastian’s one. Except this time, it wasn’t Sebastian’s name which was writing on the screen, but Mackie’s one. Anthony is calling him with his phone, which could make Chris laugh, because oh, the guy has in fact a damn personal phone and knows how to use it, wonderful. But Chris doesn’t laugh, because he can feel something is wrong, again, even if he doesn’t know what it is yet. He swallows hard and talks.

“Hello?”

“Thanks fuck you pick up you bastard.” Well, isn’t it ironical. He haven't miss Mackie’s voice.

“Excuse me?” Chris tenses.

“What the hell is your problem? Why did you stop calling Seb? Why are you ghosting him?” Anthony is questioning him hard.

“I, I really don’t think it’s your fucking business,” Chris says to him, finally breaking, because he’s tired to keep quiet and wait.

“Ok Chris, I didn’t do anything wrong to you, so calm the fuck down man and explain.”

The irony of the entire century Chris decides.

“Uh. You’re right. Except fucking my boyfriend you didn’t do anything wrong Mackie.”

It seems he can finally breathe deeply. He feels lightweight. He has said it. All he can hear now is silence, and all is peaceful around him for a minute.

“I beg your pardon? Where the hell did you get that from?” Mackie sounds surprised, shocked.

Chris doesn’t know what to do with it. He only feels sad, sad and angry, and beyond all, tired of the situation.

“You know… I think I would have understood it. I mean, you’re a great guy, and I know you’ve always care for Sebastian. And you’ve always made him smile and laugh so easily. I would have hurt, of course, but at least I would have felt less like shit if you both have fucking talk and explain to me the thing. I, I only want Sebastian’s happiness. Even if he feels suddenly it’s not… it’s not with me anymore.”

“Oh my god, you utterly stupid jerk. Don't you never think at all?” Mackie shoots. “You really think I could put myself in between the two of you, the perfect fucking couple, seriously? That’s what you think. Me, and Sebastian. Romantically involved. Him, _cheating on you_ when all he does all damn day long is talking to _me_ about you. Because he is stupidly in love with you and he misses you.”

“But you–you were always the one answering when I was calling him,” is the only thing Chris can manage at the time, murmuring it, astonished. He doesn’t imagine all that, or, does he?

“And? What does that prove? What that have to do with–oh, Chris, you’re really dumb!” Mackie yells, realizing what ideas Chris has put in his own head.

“Mackie, wait what–”

Chris might pass out, his head is lancing. He doesn’t understand what is happening. He can’t breathe.

“I’m not finish, you little prick. Just fucking breathe Chris, damn it.”

“Mackie-”

“No seriously, just let me finish and breathe,” Mackie interrupts him.

Anthony waits a couple of seconds until he can hear Chris breathe more slowly, deeplier, then he goes on.

“I’m not sleeping with Sebastian, ok?” Anthony makes a pause, making sound his sentence solemn. “He’s my friend, one of my best friends. You know that Chris. And I don’t fuck with my friends. I don’t fuck with people who are engaged and in love with each other. You got that Chris?”

“I… yes, ok, I don’t–”

Chris’ mind is totally blank, his mouth can’t form words. He’s lost, he hooks on Mackie’s voice.

“He’s in love with you. Seb misses you, everyday. And recently he looks like a kicked puppy with sad eyes because his boyfriend has been ignoring him for _days_. When he, did, nothing, _wrong_ ”, Mackie explains, emphasizing on the last sentence.

He sounds hurt by the simple fact that Chris can imply that he could be such an asshole with two of his friends. Suddenly, it was as if Chris could see straight. The lack of his lover by his side has made him lose his mind and made him jealous of absolutely nothing.

“Anthony, please, let me explain, I thought you–”

“You thought he was cheating on you with me, Chris. What the hell man.”

Hearing _him_ say it makes it sound terribly wrong. It doesn’t seem plausible. It seems crazy. It _is_ fucking crazy.

“I… I miss him so fucking much, Mackie. He didn’t answer me, seemed distant, the rare times when he picked up it was you who picked up and… Oh god, I don’t know Mackie, I just miss him so much I imagined stupid things I guess.”

“Yes you did, fuck. I can’t believe it. You guys need to communicate and trust each other better. He’s shooting a damn series Chris, of course it happens he is tired and less cheerful sometimes. He can’t be that perfect all the time.”

“I know, I know. I’m– fuck I’m so–stupid,” Chris answers his friend, breathless. 

“He thought you were breaking up with him,” Mackie continues, the words making Chris’ heart shrink.

No, it’s not possible. He never wanted Sebastian to be hurt. He was the one suffering, lonely, alone, because of Sebastian… But Sebastian did nothing wrong. By keeping it all for him, not talking, not communicating with his boyfriend with whom he is in a relationship for years, Chris hasn’t found a way to _talk_. Fuck, he has some serious issues.

“Out of nowhere, without having done anything wrong, just only missing you and loving you so much it’s unbearable for me so he talks about you _all the time_ on our time off, he thinks you’ve got tired of him and ignored him on purpose.”

“Mackie, I’m so sorry, I fucked up.”

What can he do now, how can he be forgiven for hurting the one he loves for no reason?

“So he had a panicked attack last night, anxiety stuff, and you know that _I_ fucking don’t know how to deal with that. You guys never wanted to talk about it, and I understand, it’s personal, but… I just wished I could have helped him way better and quicker than I did.”

Chris is going to throw up. He can't answer.

“I tried my best, but I don’t know your codes and I don’t know what he needed except his boyfriend he kept calling for, and you just didn’t answer his texts which where mine by the way, and his calls, which were mine too. Because I was freacking out.”

“Mackie please tell me-”

“He’s fine, he’s sleeping,” Mackie eventually reassures Chris. “He’s exhausted, but I managed to make him sleep, comforting him at the best I could.”

He hurt Sebastian. He hurt the man he loves. What did he do?

“Thank you, fuck, thank you Mackie,” Chris desperately thanks his friend. “Can I please… can you tell him to call me when he’s awake?”

“Your apologies better have to be the best in the damn universe Evans. He scared the shit out of me last night.”

“I’m the worst boyfriend, fuck… how could I have doubted him,” Chris sobs at the phone.

“Ok, no, no way, you’re not panicking on the phone with me man, I’m tired, I can’t deal with it right now. Come on Chris, breathe ok? He is fine,” Mackie tries to ease Chris. “I promise you he is fine. You’re both going to talk, you’re going to explain what happened, you’re going to apologize for making him suffer unnecessarily, and you’re both going to learn how to communicate and have better self-esteem, right?”

Chris focuses his attention on Mackie’s words, and his breathing slowly begans to calm down.

“You’ll say you love him, and he’s going to say it back, and you’re going to see each other for a couple of days because you both need it. And guys you're going to fuck, to reconnect with each other, to learn how to talk, because _I_ deserve some peace. Now you breathe, and eat and sleep. And I’ll call you when Seb is awake and ready for your call. And if I’m the one calling, that won’t mean I’m sleeping with him ok Chris?” The bastard tries to make fun of it.

“Fuck you, I… I don’t know why I thought that. Sorry, thank you, Mackie… I’m so sorry. I miss him.” Chris is so tired now, he has a hell of a headache, his eyes are dry.

“I know. Rest some hours, I’ll call you. And you call me if you’re not feeling good, or someone else, whatever, just don’t mop please.”

Hours pass and Chris tries to rest a little. He thinks about how stupid he have been, how much he is in love with Sebastian to think he could have cheat on him because of the distance between them. He feels so stupid, getting ideas just because he has some issues at communicating with his partner, some self-esteem and trust issues.

He tries to think about what he’s going to say to his boyfriend, if Sebastian still wants to be his boyfriend.

Chris thinks about his self-esteem issues, and Sebastian’s one, and he smiles because they have so much in common indeed, even their own insecurities. He’ll show Sebastian how he trusts him, and how stupidly in love he is with him. He has to be a better boyfriend, he wants to show Sebastian what a great man he is, he has to support him and comfort him, reassures him. He has to love him so much better.

Chris calls his manager and cancels all his commitments for the next week, called it personal emergency, and he buys the first fly to Atlanta he finds. He would apologize over the phone, but also in person. He needs to hold Sebastian in his arms, he needs to kiss him and tell him over and over he loves him. He needs to promises Sebastian he would never doubt him ever again and that he is going to make effort to communicate about his feelings. Chris needs to touch him, to hold Seb’s hands, right now. He needs to feel him against him.

He misses Sebastian so much he almost lost him with his jealousy without realizing how powerful is their connection and their love. Their love can survive miles away. 

He needs him.

All he needs to breathe is Sebastian.

**Author's Note:**

> They stay together after, I promise. Their love is eternal.


End file.
